About Grief & Healing
- Grief is our natural and normal way of responding to a death
It is “human” to be in mourning. From childhood, we go through mourning again and again. Mourning begins as soon as we suffer a loss. The death of a pet, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, a divorce, a move that takes us away from our neighborhood can be experienced as mourning. To form bonds and to be attached to the others it is human being. When it ends, we experience mourning. This is what we do. Partly because we can love that we can grieve.
- Grief is personal
The way of living in mourning is specific to everyone. How mourning affects us depends on several factors: our age, our connection to the deceased, our support network, our personality, our beliefs, our family environment, the nature of the death, the fact of having had others recent bereavements or unresolved deaths, etc. Family members may experience grief in one of their own in significantly different ways. We must respect these differences and not assume we understand how another family member feels.
- Grief is repetitive
The reality of our grief and the meaning of living without the deceased takes some time to integrate. We don’t necessarily get better with each passing day. Grief is a process of ups and downs, good and bad days. There are “triggers” that produce resurgence of grief that we believe is over. Knowing that grief is repetitive can help us be more patient with ourselves in healing. Having a friend who knows this can also help us.
- Living in mourning allows acceptance
We do not accept when we quell our grief and try (or pretend) to be strong. It is true that we cannot and should not be grieving full time. There are times when we need loved ones and things to do in order to have a break from our grief. But activities and friends don’t heal us themselves. Even time does not heal us. Time only allows healing. It is we who heal and this healing comes mainly from within. The path to acceptance is through mourning, not bypassing it. Living in mourning allows healing or acceptance.
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